Field Notes from Argentina

LAX AIRPORT:
Man sitting next to me at the Redondo Beach Bar and Grill (more bar than grill unless you count Jodi Maroni sausage kiosk) says he drove his pickip from Central California at 5:00am. His flight was delayed. Unclear whether he is departing or picking up. Claims to own the biggest property in Panama which is both visible from space and guarded by Noriega's former assassin who he calls, "Noriega's right hand man."

HOUSTON AIRPORT:
Makes me want to visit NASA when they sell shirts that say, "Houston, We Have a Problem." Much needed Caramel Frappuccino Light with an add shot and no whip. Okay, whip. Reprimanded for boarding out of order.

EN ROUTE:
This is the first I've heard... An onscreen wax figurine tells me of the United/Cuntinental merger. Should have taken LAN, even if there is that 12 hour layover in Lima. The inflight entertainment module is frozen in my row and we have to wait until everyone finishes The Adjustment Bureau before the agent (no longer attendant) thinks it's ethical to reboot. Upon rebooting, our row still doesn't work. The woman next to me decides to take the one empty seat on the plane, jonesing for entertainment, but returns just as I'm lifting the armrest to get comfortable. Her rationale is that I take up less room and don't stink like the other guy. A compliment? She wakes up with breath so rancid, it's hard to give her directions without dry heaving.

TRANSIT EXPRESS:
Jersey kid behind me in customs worries that they'll give him hell for not filling out immigration documents. Wants to know what 'vuelo' means. Boy next to him is coming to Argentina to "put off being an adult for awhile," and there is a new reciprocal fee for US$150, although they've eliminated the departure tax. Transit Express takes me to my apartment for 150 pesos. Exchange rate 4:1.