From the makers of Diamond Bra, the only brassiere trusted to bear the burdensome breasts of the elite, comes a more practical bra for more practical times. Because when it's time to cut back, there's no need to let your breasts down, or pull yourself up from your bra straps. Not when you have the fiscally conservative, and financially sustainable, I Feel Like Allison!™
The I Feel Like Allison!™ proves you can say goodbye to strap marks, and hello to support without sacrificing a single mortgage backed security.
BUT HOW DOES IT WORK?
Our team of scientists ventured out of the laboratory and into the heart of America. Because the real lessons in life can be learned not in the universities, libraries, or Wall Street, but by paying attention to good common sense, and returning home to the heartland. Yes, indeed, our team of scientists did their field research on the good old, small town, factory farm. And here, they found answers.
ANSWERS TO A FASHION DOWNTURN, ON A FARM?
(You Can't Be Serious)
But we are! By applying the process of elimination, and the principles of Trickle Down Economics, our team of scientists discovered invisible natural resources at work on the good old, small town, factory farm. And what better way to apply these resources of support, comfort, integrity, and invisibility than to the brassiere, the longest standing-symbol of women's liberation?
LADIES, THIS IS NOT YOUR MOTHER'S UNDERGARMENT!
As underwire pains and strap marks vanish into thin air, what remains is the security that comes with knowing that you are supported by America's working class heroes, their heads held high, and their hands firmly wrapped around your breasts.
ON THE SURFACE IT LOOKS LIKE ANY OTHER BRASSIERE!
BUT TAKE A CLOSER LOOK...
You will find embedded in that comfortable underwire, the innovative material that makes The I Feel Like Allison! ™ unique. The source of all of that comfort and support? Well, it rests in the tiny, well-worn, hardworking, honest hands of The American Migrant Farm Worker. MAGNIFIED BY TWELVE, EMBEDDED WITHIN THE SEAMS OF YOUR BRASSIERE, LIES THE TRUE FABRIC OF AMERICA
Every carefully constructed garment is made by integrating 23-46 Lilliputian workers into the underwire (actual number of Lilliputians may vary depending on cup size). And these miniature workers, packed like sardines, with raised arms, use their collective strength to hold your breasts high into the air. Fearlessly fighting gravity and time, these migrant workers will make sure your breasts migrate no more! And here at I Feel Like Allison™, we take our social responsibility very seriously.
Could there be a faster, more convenient, and efficient method to foster the migration of lilliputian laborers off of the farms, and where they belong... in the homes of the American Middle Class?
THE I FEEL LIKE ALLISON™
BECAUSE ANYTHING ELSE WOULD BE IN POOR TASTE.
